That’s right, He Who Shall Not Be Named is realizing what a huge mistake he has made. Those pinstripes don’t flatter him like he thought. So he knocks back a few Boston Lagers and the sweet World Series memories come rushing back.
“JOHN It’s me Jacoby. Hi how r u? Just thinking about you and the boys”
But John Farrell is busy enjoying a brewski with Big Papi. He ignores the text. After 21 minutes, his phone buzzes again…
“I hate you I don’t need you, leavin u for the Yanks best decishun of my life”
John chuckles to himself. 4 and a half minutes later…
“I didn’t mean that, tkae me bak”
But it’s too late for you, Jacoby. You may have broken our hearts, but we’ve already moved on. Sure, we may have rubbed in your face a bit what a traitor you are. We had Jon Lester (our star, our ace) publicly say that he plans to stay with the Red Sox for life, the only Major League organization for which he’s worked. He is even willing to take less money in order to stay:
But now we’ve replaced Jacoby…with none other than Grady Sizemore. I remember when he was on the Cleveland Indians. I understood immediately why he had his own fan club – Grady’s Ladies. He was arguably the most handsome player in the game (sorry Papelbon). But he was on the Indians, and I couldn’t stand how their fans waved those stupid white towels during the play-offs. There was no way in hell I could publicly admit my love for Grady.
But now, he’s an outfielder for the Red Sox. I experienced heartbreak when Jacoby left us, but time has healed that wound. And now…I am finally a Grady’s Lady.