Lauren, if I start an Instagram it’s your fault

I’ve decided to add meaning to my life, so I’m either going to become a bartender or start Instagramming. I haven’t decided which yet.

If I were a bartender, I would get tip money and people would admire/love/worship me since I’m making their drinks (wealth and power).

If I start an Instagram, I can simply convince the online world that my life is full of wealth and power. I can take pictures of expensive cars I see on the street and hashtag it #MyNewRide. And I can take pictures of my co-workers and hashtag it #TheyReportToMe.

And actually, Instagram is much less time-consuming. So, decision made.

You must all be thinking I’m the most contradictory person on the planet. I name my blog #NoFilter. But I hate hashtags, I say. The name is supposed to be ironic, I say! And now here I am talking about starting an Instagram, where I will undoubtedly use hashtags…and filters!!

There is no logic to me.

#SorryNotSorry

🙂

 

 

 

 

 

Things to get you through awful winter

If you’re anything like me, this cruel winter weather is really starting to take its toll on your soul.

We’re supposed to get literally 20 feet of snow tomorrow. This might make people like Eskimos excited, but not me. I am beginning to wonder if winter will ever end. This morning while getting ready for work, I looked at the summer dresses in my closet and thought, I miss you summer dresses. I also miss my open-toed heels.

History has proven, though, that when you just about lose all hope that spring will arrive, the temperatures begin to rise and the days get longer. Until then, here are few ways to get you through your winter depression:

-Cold Snap

It’s Sam Adams’ new spring beer, and it’s already available. It’s no Alpine Spring, but it’s still amazing.

-You’re not Justin Beiber

Could you imagine waking up every day and having to be Justin Beiber? He is literally facing deportation because he is such a stupid punk who can’t even drag race while high without getting caught. What a loser.

-Baseball season is almost here

Red Sox spring training begins in less than a month! Hellooo Grady Sizemore.

-Clothes are cheap right now

I was at the mall, and clothes are wicked cheap right now. In a couple months, you’ll need to pay literally two million dollars for a nice spring shirt.

-Winter Olympics

Go USA!

-We can actually handle snow in New England

Those dummies in Atlanta were stuck in their cars for 17 hours because they couldn’t drive in two inches of snow. HA…southerners.

And well, that’s pretty much it. Have fun shoveling tomorrow.