How to Be an Adult

To “adult” is a new verb kid adultcoined by the millennials, and it means “to do grown-up things and hold responsibilities, and not cry about it in public – only in the shower”.

Kids have it so easy – they have shows like Sesame Street providing them solid life lessons. I would kill to have a giant-ass yellow bird providing me guidance through song and dance.

Well fear not, my quivering, lost youngling – I will be your feathered creature today. I am here to teach you how to adult!

Tips on How to “Adult”:

  1. Organize your shit – if your bedroom is a colossal mess, you are failing as an adult. Get your ass to HomeGoods and buy some storage boxes.
  2. If you have the hots for someone, ask them on a date like a mature ass adult. Don’t play games or jerk them around – otherwise you will die alone.
  3. Set up a 401K. This is a necessity if you’d like to afford your dentures later on in life. Don’t be that toothless old person who scares little children and puppies/kittens.
  4. Learn how to cook – how do you think it will go over if you serve a date boxed Annie’s Mac and Cheese? Not well, my friend. Make something that requires a skillet, damnit!
  5. Drink responsibly – it’s no longer cute or cool to get trashed. And plus, if you haven’t noticed, hangovers are now a near-death experience.
  6. Don’t constantly vent/rant to others. Newsflash: nobody gives a shit about all your problems, because they’re dealing with their own. Don’t torture someone by unloading all your troubles on them. Go to a therapist – they’re paid to listen!
  7. Don’t wear sweatpants in public – like, we are not hooligans, okay? It’s only acceptable if you’re making a quick supermarket run to pick up some Ben and Jerry’s, or if you’re trying to communicate to people, “if you talk to me I will literally end you”.

And there you have it! Follow these tips, and you’ll be a bomb ass adult in no time.

🙂

90’s Throwback: Shania Twain

Shania_Twain_-_Come_on_Over.pngOne of the first CD’s I ever owned was Shania Twain’s “Come on Over”. Shania quickly became my hero, and since we both had long brown hair, I convinced myself that I was practically her TWIN!

As a young lass I would don dark red lipstick – the same shade she wore on her CD cover – and blast her songs. I stood in front of my full length mirror and lip-synced the lyrics. I imagined that thousands of fans were in front of me, cheering me on.

To this day, when I’m feeling nostalgic and want to get pumped up, I listen to Shania Twain. Below are some of my favorite songs of hers:

Man! I Feel Like A Woman!

“The best thing about being a woman \ is the prerogative to have a little fun”

 

That Don’t Impress Me Much

“Oh-oo-oh, you think you’re special \ Oh-oo-oh you think you’re something else”

 

Don’t Be Stupid (You Know I Love You)

“Don’t freak out until you know the facts \ Relax”

 

Honey, I’m Home

“This job ain’t worth the pay \ Can’t wait ’til the end of the day \ Honey, I’m on my way”

 

Black Eyes, Blue Tears

“Black eyes – I don’t need em \ Blue tears – gimme freedom”

 

From This Moment On

“Right beside you is where I belong \ From this moment on”

 

Oh Shania, you fairy goddess, you! 🙂

Do you Have the Sunday Scares?

It’s Sunday, January 3rd, and the holidays are over. The merriment and cheer of the past few weeks has vanished, and you now face months of grey, desolate winter.

Looming in the back of your mind is the thought of returning to work tomorrow, knowing that if you hum “The Little Drummer Boy”, your co-workers will NOT prance about with joy, as they did during December. Your spirits are low, and you wonder if you’ve been attacked by one of those dementors from Harry Potter.

That, my friend, is the Sunday Scares.

Fear not – I’m here to help. Below is a photo gallery of playful pugs, displayed for your enjoyment. If this does not warm your soul, then I assume you are a jellyfish, the most evil, heartless creature on earth.

Enjoy!

🙂

 

A Look Back on 2015

I didn’t befriend David Ortiz, so 2015 can’t truly be considered a success. But overall, I’d give it a thumbs up. This past year has been one of self-discovery and self-improvement for me. I know…CLICHÈ. But I’m as serious as a cow that can’t moo, and let me tell you why…

1. I didn’t date

samantha sex and the cityConsidering I’m 25 and my biological clock is ticking, most people would read this and think, “Oh you poor, sweet, spinster girl”. But seriously, it was great.

Samantha from Sex and the City sums it up well when she says, “I love you, but I love me more”. Dating is fun of course, but sometimes you need time to treat yo’self and nobody else. And that’s exactly what I did this year.

2. I discovered passions

11220861_10153607205387718_7824538393003831569_n

Take one look at my Instagram and it’ll come as no surprise that I’ve developed a love for cooking. Some of my favorites to make: Lobster Gouda Mac and Cheese, Zucchini Boats, Cold Sesame Noodles, and Shrimp and Sausage Jambalaya.

stand-w-ppI’ve also discovered a passion in regards to social issues. I’ve always felt strongly about challenges facing society – from income inequality to environmental issues. However, I’ve lately become passionate about one topic in particular: women’s health. It is unacceptable that women are given such little autonomy over their own bodies, and I’d like to play a more active role in addressing this issue.

12366415_10207515331219229_2509526030687663731_n3. I started grad school

This past fall I started an MPA program at UMass Boston. It’s been a lot of work, but also so much fun. During my first semester, I learned a ton AND made cool new friends!  Read about my decision to attend grad school here. The picture to the left is my cohort at our end-of-the-semester networking event!

4. I faced a challenge

18% of adults in the U.S. experience an anxiety disorder – myself included. Looking back, I realize that I’ve dealt with anxiety for awhileanxiety, but wasn’t able to recognize it for what it was – until a few months ago, when my symptoms got much worse, and became unmanageable.

This was a huge challenge to face. It was difficult to accept that what I was dealing with was “not normal”, and it wasn’t easy talking about it to others. For this reason, many people live with their anxiety, despite it being very treatable. I now take medication, which has worked well for me. I’m glad I took action. I’m living more comfortably now – my anxiety has decreased, I have more energy, and in general, I just feel better!

12239891_10153783996017718_8872180600420586214_n.jpg5. I overcame obstacles

Literally! In November, I did the Fenway Spartan Race, which pushed me way beyond my physical limits. Despite almost throwing up on the Green Monster, I made it to the finish line. The soreness may have lasted for days, but the glory lasts a lifetime. I’m a SPARTAN, biotch!!


 

I am pumped to see what 2016 brings. See ya next year, peeps!! 🙂

Let Me Be Your DJ

I’m obsessed with music, and I especially love finding new tunes to listen to on repeat. I’m only a hipster when I discover a new song that one else in the world has listened to. I post it on the FB and act like I’m the coolest person alive 😎

I’d like to share ten of my favorite “diamond in the rough” songs. The slideshow below (created through SlideShare) includes a description of the song, and then a youtube clip of the song on the following slide. I highly encourage you to listen:

 

If you have a favorite song that isn’t well known, please share it in the comments. I’d love to listen to it 🙂

Grace vs. Mouse

I had a traumatic experience, y’all. And I must tell you about it in great detail.

I was at my mom’s house, walking into the kitchen to snack on some pepperoni, when I see something scurry across the floor: a disgusting, dark gray mouse!

BD3660-001

At left is an embarrassingly accurate portrayal of my reaction upon seeing the creepy creature. Since the mouse was equally frightened by me, it darted into a crack between the counter and the dishwasher. I went into warrior mode, and prepared for attack. I vowed to defeat this dirty vermin bastard.

I channeled my inner cat, and hovered very still with a piece of tupperware in hand, waiting for the nasty critter to emerge from its safe haven. Eventually, believing that the coast was clear, the four-legged fool came out of hiding. I lunged and tried to trap it underneath the tupperware, but it darted back into the crack.

“You furry demon,” I yelled. “This is not over!”Cat-Mouse-chase-48430460609

It was time to break out the weaponry. I set five mousetraps with peanut butter lures, and arranged them strategically around the kitchen. Time to feast, Stuart Little!

Many hours went by with no action, so I figured the repulsive rodent was meditating or praying for its life or something. The next morning, I walk into the kitchen to get coffee. I freeze when I hear a distinct scratching sound, and then….

SNAP!

Grace: 1 Mouse: 0

Trevor Noah, a Boss and a Studmuffin

I’m pleased to announce my pretend marriage to Trevor Noah. After my pretend divorce from Jonathan Papelbon several years ago, I thought I would never pretend love again. I was so wrong!

trevor_noah

My man when he proposed, after I said yes

For those who do not know, Trevor Noah is the host who replaced Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. Now, he has had big shoes to fill. And in my extremely-valued opinion, he has done a stellar job.

I know what you’re thinking – Grace, you’re swayed by his heavenly accent and the fact that he’s literally the perfect looking specimen.

Well to that I say, of course I am. But what do you expect from a 25-year old female, ya big dummy?

However, in addition to his gorgeous smile, which scientists have called “the Eighth World Wonder” in every scientific journal I’ve read, you can’t deny that he’s got talent.

He’s crazy funny, downright knowledgeable, and is highly at ease in a seat once held by a legend of a man. If that doesn’t earn our respect, what does? My boo, Trevor, only has one season under his belt. With each season, he will continue to kick ass, and become a legend himself one day.

If that doesn’t convince you, consider the fact that the great Jerry Seinfeld invited Trevor Noah onto his show “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” BEFORE Trevor even started on the Daily Show. That’s how you know he’s legit. Watch the episode below:

 

Alright, ya’ll…I’m off to my pretend honeymoon with Trev-Trev. OW OW!

🙂

The Struggles of Young Adulthood

I recently read an article called The Brain on 23.

We waste time the same way we did in college, only now doing so makes us uncomfortable. We are at the point in our lives where we have realized the futility of sitting around watching Gilmore Girls episodes we’ve seen one hundred times, but we lack the resources and maturity to actually do something to change that. We are too old to go out every night, but we are too young to stay in and do nothing. We want to be more productive and live a more worthwhile existence, but we haven’t quite figured out how.

It’s a great article, and I’d like to expand on the strife of being a young adult:

  • We make fancy dishes containing quinoa, but secretly long for Annie’s bunny shaped mac and cheese.
  • Some of our friends are married, while others go on a new Tinder date each week. We can’t decide which is more fun.
  • Once a nightmarish thought, we are resigning ourselves to the inevitable – we are becoming more and more like our parents.
  • We can’t get drunk on Friday night because Saturday we’ll be wicked busy getting an oil change and shopping for new kitchen ware.
  • We are now older than Mark Zuckerberg was when he became a billionaire, and our biggest accomplishment has been successfully setting up the wireless in our apartment.
  • It’s less cute and more weird that we still sleep with a purple stuffed bear named Princess.
  • We care less about “tall, dark, and handsome” and more about “financially stable”.
  • Taylor Swift songs are still so relatable, but we can’t admit how much we adore her.
  • Out metabolisms just aren’t what they used to be – do we hit the gym before work or after?
  • According to that Blink 182 song, nobody likes you when you’re 23.

The struggle is so real!

 

 

 

 

 

 

If only I were Lena Dunham

I wish I were witty and talented like Lena Dunham. She could write about the items in her fridge and make it funny. All I can come up with is like, hey look at that broccoli…it’s like a mini tree, am I right? *crickets*

Her show Girls is genius! If you’re a female in your 20’s I urge you to watch it. You will totally relate, just like when you listen to a T Swift album.

200_s

It’s like she’s inside my head.

Most of our lives aren’t all that extraordinary when we’re 24. We’re just trying to find our way. Lena portrays that in her show, but brings out the humor in it all. I try to do the same and not take things too seriously. But truth be told, sometimes I get really worked up when I can’t find the perfect set of throw pillows for my bed.

Anyway, I’ll be lost until season four of Girls comes out.

PS. I hope you enjoyed my broccoli joke. Come on, they are teeny green trees that you eat!! How could you not laugh?

Guess Who’s Back?

#GraceUnfiltered is back, that’s who! And now that I have both a Twitter and an Instagram (Insta for short), you will be blown away by my creative and witty hashtags.

Have you noticed yet my new blog picture, featuring my short haircut? This is one of the many notable events that have taken place in my life since my last blog post. A few others include:

1) One of my best friends got married! And I was a bridesmaid! The best part of the wedding was the contra dancing during the reception. My dancing partner, a friend of the groom’s, was seriously good looking.

2) I was broken up with through text. But that’s okay because he has the same name as my sister’s deceased pet turtle.

3) I bought a Macbook Air, and it is light as air!

4) I saw Ingrid Michaelson in concert, and she’s one of the coolest chicks in the world.

5) I conquered my fear of tubing.

6) I’m applying to grad school!! I am very excited about this one – it’s a game changer. I’d like to get my masters in public policy and change the world #nbd #saygoodbyetomysociallife

Told ya my hashtags are epic 😉