Why You Should Root for the Broncos, According to Grace (Sports Enthusiast)

Seeing as I’m an unabashed NY Giants fan, you’re probably surprised to hear that I was rooting for the Patriots in the AFC championship game yesterday.

This was not the result of a psychotic break, as one may assume. Nay – I wanted the Pats to win so that I could watch them LOSE in the Superbowl.

I know, I’m a monster.

But alas, New England lost. And while it was a close game, the Broncos undoubtedly deserved the win. From the start of the game, they outplayed the Patriots.

And now I will be rooting for Denver in Superbowl 50. And so should you, for the following reasons:

1. Payton Manning is the brother of my homeboy and NY Giants Quarterback, Eli Manning.
2. Their jersey color (Orange) is the best kind of juice there is.
3. They are from Denver, Colorado – an awesome city in a ballin, liberal state.
4. A Bronco is an “untrained horse or one that habitually bucks”, according to Wikipedia. This is significantly more bad-ass than a panther, which is essentially an overlarge, pissed-off kitty cat.
5. Wide receiver Emmanuel Sanders has the same last name as presidential candidate, Bernie Sanders.

I know all of you Patriots fans are probably hating on me right now for this post, but I sincerely hope that the highly convincing reasons I’ve laid out above have swayed you to support the Broncos on Feb. 7th.

GO PAYTON! GO DENVER! GO BUCKIN’ BRONCOS!

I’m the Brunette Amy Schumer

I make sure to remind my co-workers several times a week that I’m the brunette Amy Schumer (it’s important they remember who the comedian of the group is).

They always raise their eyebrows and say, “Grace, did you seriously just compare yourself to Amy Schumer?”

“Yes,” I say. “You guys laugh at my jokes literally every day.”

“We don’t laugh at your jokes,” insists Elliot. “We laugh at you.”

“Tomato-Tomahto” I reply.

Amy Schumer is one cool chick and her raunchy and hilarious Comedy Central show nearly completes my life. Below are some of my favorite sketches from “Inside Amy Schumer”. If you’re at all fond of humor, entertainment, and enjoyment, I recommend you take some time out of your day to watch:

Publicity Stunt

Amy tries to boost her image by going to prom with a teenager who is disabled, but her plan hits a snag when it turns out that he already has a date.

Third Date

Amy grapples with her dining partner’s big disclosure during a date.

My Dream Breakup

Amy works with a professional to make sure that dumping her boyfriend is a moment she’ll remember forever.

 

I hope you are laughing your butt off!!

😛

A Critique of my Childhood Poems

I’ve always loved to write, and it’s how I best express my thoughts. Displayed below are eloquent poems I wrote in elementary school, titled “Cookies”, “The Thing I Hate Most”, and “A Good Person”. Included is a response to each of these thought-provoking pieces of writing.

Poem #1: Cookies

This poem speaks volumes regarding certain social issues. For example, the lines “Yummy, lot’s of kinds/different shapes” stresses the importance of respecting diversity in our society. In addition, the line “Give them to Santa” encourages providing for the less fortunate. Malloy establishes herself as a diehard liberal with this piece of work.

Poem #2: The Thing I Hate Most

This deep, slightly dark poem is a reflection of Malloy’s views on karma. She’s insistent that if you brag about your cool clothes or how many pets you have, you will feel the wrath of the undead. She also includes a particularly demonic illustration of a ghost. For this reason, this poem has been banned from several elementary schools – something that Malloy considers to be a violation of the Constitution.

Poem #3: A Good Person

“A Good Person” nearly won Malloy the Nobel Peace Prize. This wildly popular poem is used by parents to encourage good behavior in their children. It has also been quoted in several presidential speeches during times of violence and national distress. As a result, Malloy has become an iconic figure in the fight for world peace.

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What can I say, I was born a literary genius 😛

 

 

If you are a beer enthusiast, read on…

One time at work, I had a conversation with my co-worker about beer. He insisted that people only drink beer to get drunk, and not at all for the taste. I told him how false that is, and argued that the reason there are dark beers and light beers and microbreweries is because people have different tastes and preferences when it comes to beer. I completely schooled him. Clearly he is not a craft beer enthusiast like myself. I asked him what his favorite beer is, and he said Heineken. Need I say more?

Speaking of craft beer, I recently started an account on Untappd, an awesome website/app that I must share with my blog followers, and the world. It combines two things that I dearly love: social media and beer. Untappd allows you to share the different beers you drink, and helps you to discover new ones to try!

You create a profile online, and then download the app to your smartphone. Each time you drink a craft beer, you update your profile with the name of the beer, the brewery that makes it, where you’re drinking it (if you’re out at a bar/restaurant/brewery), and your rating. You can also upload a picture of the beer as well!

Those you’re friends with on Untappd can “cheers” you and comment on your status updates. You also earn badges based on the types of beers you drink – and who doesn’t love getting rewards for drinking? You can also browse top rated beers if you’re looking for a new beer to try! I highly recommend it 🙂

 

Life without cable

There has been a major development in my life recently: my roommates and I canceled cable. I know, you might be shocked. There was once a time in life when this would have been inconceivable. Elementary-school Grace would have been so lost without The Rugrats.

However, I am now in the real world, and I have bills to pay. Additionally, I have a demanding social life to uphold, which involves going out and purchasing food and drink. And finally, fall fashion is quite important to me, and I must stay up to date with the latest styles. Therefore, cutting cable was an economically wise decision.

Fortunately, we have Netflix, so I can still watch my programs, such as House of Cards and Gossip Girl. For this reason, I believe I will survive.

The one thing that concerns me is sports. It will be more difficult to watch the Gmen, the B’s, and the Soxies. My roommates and I have decided that if we want to see a big sports game, we will go out to a sports bar to watch it. And we will wear our sweats, just as if we were at home. And if any dudes try to chat me up, I will say, go away I am watching sports. Hehe.

Rockclimbing and Mountain Goats

Wednesday night I went indoor rockclimbing with my friend Sarah, her husband Andrew, and a bunch of his friends. It was the second time in my life going rockclimbing.

It is a well known fact that you will find guys with big muscles in rockclimbing gyms. However, the first time I went rockclimbing, I met Adam. We went on a couple dates and then he burned me big time. So I vowed to myself on Wednesday that I would be immune to the male climbers and their giant biceps, and instead focus on climbing higher than 10 feet.

You see, I’m a little afraid of heights. And even though I’m being belayed, and if I “fell” I would actually just hang there in the air, I still get scared. I conquered my fear, though, and climbed almost to the top of one of the kiddie walls. I am so proud.

I was very sore yesterday, but if I were to rockclimb on a regular basis, I would develop some serious guns.

Perhaps you’re wondering how mountain goats tie into this. Well, my computer background at work is a mountain goat. And my co-worker Joey Joseph pointed out that I probably felt like a mountain goat while I was rock climbing. Why yes…as I clung on to the rock wall for dear life, I thought…this must be how a mountain goat feels atop a very high mountain.

Life at Meditech

At work, my co-workers and I sit in cubicles that have no walls, so we can see and hear each other all day long. Because of this, we’ve become awesome friends.

Sam and Kayla are in my little group. Sam is in her 30’s but you’d have no idea because she acts so young and free. We get along well because we have a similar sense of humor. Kayla is our new hire, and I am her mentor. I’ve taught her basically everything she knows about financial medical software. She is outgoing and has meshed well with our group. She’s also a very skilled baker.

Next to us is the “meat corner” – our group of guy friends. Even though they constantly make fun of me for being from Connecticut, they are still the best.

Elliot sits across from me, and I call him “Big E”. He is very tall and has an epic beard. One of the best things about Elliot is how outspoken he is. He has strong beliefs and is not afraid to share them. And he always has a crazy story to tell.

Alex also sits across from me. He’s a guy who gets the job done and is adored by our female customers. His favorite foods are edamame and carrots/celery with peanut butter, which he eats often so as not to become faint. He works out like Arnold Schwarzennegar and can probably lift 300 pounds.

Matt likes to tell everyone that the meat corner breeds studs and studs only. He also likes to tell people that the name Matthew means “gift of god”. His mom told him that, apparently. Matt definitely brings the energy and comic relief to the group.

Then there’s Joe, or “Joey Joseph” as I like to call him. We also call him Grandpa because of all the sick days he takes. He’s part of a band called Weld Square, and we’ve all been to his shows. If his band doesn’t make it, he is going to write a novel.

And last but not least: Dan. He is the most sarcastic fellow you will ever meet. Despite being a man of few words, he will drop the most hilarious one-liners. Don’t let his shaggy hair and untucked shirt fool you – he is BIG D.

I can’t forget Russ, who is an honorary member of the meat corner. He constantly wears silk black nightshirts, and has a shark tattoo named Bruce. He interacts more through Snapchat than face-to-face, and suffers from FOMO (fear of missing out).

Unfortunately, the meat corner is moving to new seats, but they won’t be far. Charles (Chaz Money) will now be sitting across from me. He’s a red head with a “Made in America” tattoo who worships Matthew McConaughey. When he is not having a rage blackout, you can find him harping on how frail Alex looks.

Why you should vote

Today is Election Day! If you’re someone who thinks your vote doesn’t matter, or that voting won’t actually change anything, I’m here to prove you wrong.

Perhaps you’re thinking, today is only midterm elections – the presidential election is more important. False. Midterm elections are when we vote for governors, congressman, and senators. Those in Congress are the ones choosing what bills to write, which go to the floor, and which pass. With the GOP poised to take over the Democrat-controlled Senate, each vote truly does matter. There are several tight governor races, particularly in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Florida, Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, Kansas, and Wisconsin. Depending on who wins, we could see dramatic shifts in the political landscape, which would heavily impact the 2016 presidential election. Those who we vote into office today will influence the outcomes of several hot topics…

Do you like smoking weed? Yes? Well I bet you’d like to smoke without having to fear the slammer. Several states and cities will be voting today on easing marijuana restrictions. As more states legalize, there will be more pressure on the federal government to take a more passive stance. So before you take another hit, get out and vote.

Do you think same-sex marriage should be legal everywhere? Richard Tisei is an openly gay Massachusetts Republican running for Congress. If elected, he plans to be a strong supporter of same-sex marriage. Maura Healey is a Massachusetts Democrat running for Attorney General. If elected, she would be the first openly gay attorney general in the country. She played a key role in challenging the Defense of Marriage Act.

Do you think Obama has done good for the country? Perhaps you’ve noticed the economy getting stronger, or you’ve benefited from the Affordable Care Act. If Republicans take the Senate, they will control Congress. This will make it incredibly difficult for Obama to pass any meaningful legislation.

Are you a sexually active individual? Are you a female taking birth control, or are you a male whose significant other uses birth control? Thanks to Obamacare, birth control, which was once over $100 a month, is now free of charge. Many Republicans are in favor of over-the-counter birth control. This sounds great, but if birth control is over-the-counter, insurance companies won’t cover it, and you’ll be paying the big bucks for it again.

I cannot stress enough the importance of voting. Consider that in 2010, Democrats in Pennsylvania lost the governor’s race by 20 votes. Over in Ukraine, a war is going on, and they just had an election with 60 percent turnout. The right to vote has been fought for throughout history, and it’s our responsibility as citizens to uphold it.

Things to get you through awful winter

If you’re anything like me, this cruel winter weather is really starting to take its toll on your soul.

We’re supposed to get literally 20 feet of snow tomorrow. This might make people like Eskimos excited, but not me. I am beginning to wonder if winter will ever end. This morning while getting ready for work, I looked at the summer dresses in my closet and thought, I miss you summer dresses. I also miss my open-toed heels.

History has proven, though, that when you just about lose all hope that spring will arrive, the temperatures begin to rise and the days get longer. Until then, here are few ways to get you through your winter depression:

-Cold Snap

It’s Sam Adams’ new spring beer, and it’s already available. It’s no Alpine Spring, but it’s still amazing.

-You’re not Justin Beiber

Could you imagine waking up every day and having to be Justin Beiber? He is literally facing deportation because he is such a stupid punk who can’t even drag race while high without getting caught. What a loser.

-Baseball season is almost here

Red Sox spring training begins in less than a month! Hellooo Grady Sizemore.

-Clothes are cheap right now

I was at the mall, and clothes are wicked cheap right now. In a couple months, you’ll need to pay literally two million dollars for a nice spring shirt.

-Winter Olympics

Go USA!

-We can actually handle snow in New England

Those dummies in Atlanta were stuck in their cars for 17 hours because they couldn’t drive in two inches of snow. HA…southerners.

And well, that’s pretty much it. Have fun shoveling tomorrow.

My Trip to Texas

This week I visited the lawless state of Texas for work, where the speed limit is 75 mph, and instead of McDonalds,  there are gun shops on every street corner. I know that there are many Texans who want to secede from the United States. Well I say go for it, because it’s a different world. Imagine one day telling people you’re traveling internationally…to Texas. Ha!

We saw a real live cowboy. He was wearing a cowboy hat and boots and a huge silver belt buckle. We saw him drive off in a black Mercedes, which was surprising, because we expected him to ride off into the fields on a stallion. I bet he’s wrestled a rattle snake with his bare hands.

We had amazing food, of course – Tex Mex, BBQ, and steak. The second night there, we went to the Wildcatter Ranch and Resort for dinner. We expense our food and drink to our company, and have $60 each day we can spend, so naturally we got the most expensive steak on the menu.

Outside was a big cactus, which I stupidly decided to touch. I got a little prickly in my thumb…a souvenir of the place I suppose.

On our way back to the airport on our last day, we had some time to kill. So we stopped off in Arlington, TX to see Cowboy Stadium and Rangers Stadium. I was happy to see Cowboy stadium, because as a Giants fan (and naturally a Cowboys hater), I was able to place a curse on the team so that they never beat the Giants again. You’re welcome, Big Blue.